toof devil

I went to a new dentist 18 months ago for the usual. My regular Vancouver dentist had retired and lived in, well, Vancouver. Going to him was a lose-lose proposition and it was therefore time to move on. In any case, apart from having to pretend I was a Broadway chorus girl (he assumed I was because I had Actor's Equity coverage and I didn't have the heart to correct him when he repeatedly commented on how typical I was tooth and other-wise of a Broadway dancer.) Sooooo uncomfortable, so embarrassing. Over a few visits I managed to work in that I had moved on to writing but god, never again. Next time I'll immediately correct the dentist who takes me for a B'way dancer. All went well. Well enough considering I'm rather dentistphobic—meaning I got through what I needed to in terms of x-rays, cleaning and one filling replacement. I finally got a night guard to save my teef from my years of infernal grinding. Great, right?! Wrong.

The mouth guard, being soft, was like giving a dog a chewy toy. (The TMJ specialist's words). It made me clench and grind even harder and further back in my mouth until I fractured a molar. It was excruciating. I was collapsed and sobbing in public for days as I went to dentist to hospital and back; got sick off Vicodin; and finally experienced relief from the worst of it when the nerve died. It took more than six months for the fracture to be discovered. To make a long story short, I had to have a giant, beautiful molar extracted. Not fun! Now I can't chew on that side at all and won't be able to until I get an implant in four months. Not to mention I look like a hillybilly when I laugh loudly and widely. (Almost never because what's that funny when you're toothless? Nothing, that's what.)

Just to keep things interesting, I've developed a jaw joint (TMJ) problem that, apart from being very uncomfortable, caused me to break a filling on the other side, which led to a root canal two days ago. I've been to the dental clinic at Columbia University 18 times since the end of August. My bill is going to be around four thousand dollars ($4000.!!!) and I can't chew on either side now. I can only eat mush. Normally nothing kills my appetite but the mush has done what even abject misery couldn't do. The loss of appetite, by the way, is the only silver lining in this entire ordeal. That and the hot resident who tried to adjust my bite before the root canal and was so gentle and sweet when I was slumped over in his chair in pain. I ran into him today and he told me I looked much better than last time (which in my mind turned into a compliment on how good I look not just relative to the slumpy, pain-filled previous version of me) and said he could tell I have excellent dental hygiene unlike all of the other trolls who claim to have excellent dental habits but don't. I was very happy to know it's evident I'm not a dirty, dirty pig with a sporadic, distant relationship to my toothbrush. The TMJ specialist said I have very attractive teeth, too. Unfortunately, they're purely decorative and have no functionality whatsoever. You can't win them all.

Two compliments, no surgery, no pain! Today was a banner day dentally.